Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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