please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
