dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
