Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
