There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Pooping to opera.
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