I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
