what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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