Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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