This girl is more easily done than said...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
