apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
