she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
