All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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