ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
