Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
