There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
