Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
