Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
