twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
