You're completely useless in the revolution.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
