What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
