You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize