Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
