i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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