my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
