Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
