I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
