im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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