I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
