dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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