Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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