So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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