you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
