I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
