He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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