I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize