how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
