You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
