I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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