he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
