just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
