I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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