WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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