pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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