I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
