i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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