I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
