I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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