Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
