that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
