dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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