it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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