So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
