Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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