Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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