my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
