when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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