i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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