Where are you?
In a non slutty way
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
