i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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