things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
