His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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