It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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