she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we should paint friendship bongs
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